lyrics
lyrics
LYRICS for “Finally The View Has Changed”
BE THAT MAN
don’t bother with the pain of a hard luck game
just walk in napoleon style and look the same
you’re here to conquer don’t forget you’re here to work
our only client is our self so time to be the jerk
it’s time to be the jerk
no i don’t want to be that man
but if I am i’ll have them eating in the palm of my hand
no i don’t want to be that man
but that’s the only way to hold your own to stay in this land
at one point of time nice was all i gave
and everyone outside of me i tried to save
for the demise of my spirit i’ve no one to blame
maybe they’ll have no trouble with remembering my name
because no one should be more important than me
and no one should be any happier than me
and no one should speak unless i give them the nod
don’t even turn around once unless you’re taking it off
drizzle anonymities all around my knees
take it in because you’ll be out before you try to breathe
so what i’m saying is while you decide to love me or not
i’ll be thinking of some strange so don’t expect a lot
after tonight
no i don’t want to be that man
but if i am then i’ll be sure to do all i can
TOO FAR
fly not everyone can do it right
sometimes it’s even hard to try
so what do you do when you can fly
you long to swim but choose to stand
just wasting time and grabbing clay
but be very afraid
because you think that i can fly and fly myself too far
you choose to spy the gift one shy of this marvelous star
but there’s the freedom free of charge to us and not brand new
it’s not too far to fly to find the cause you can feel too
crawl that’s all you do when you can’t call
and you find your way unto the wall
so compensate the stage and let it flow
if all it had to do was snow
to let the chasing manners go
while i fly away
because you think that i can fly…
WONDERFUL MAGIC
“didn’t mean to bruise your shoulder buddy but
that boy across the bar looks mighty good
he’s got those sad eyes and those rugged shoulders
but he’s just a little messed up, more than he should
“my ex-wife thinks it’s ridiculous that
i gallivant with someone half my age
what do we have in common, nothing
and why’s his music so filled with rage”
you could have shown this screwed up boy
some wonderful magic
you could have seen me at my best
if you’d let me have it
after you were done being the magnificent centerpiece
and i was alone in the great hall
you snuck up behind and wrapped you’re arms around me
and right then i felt like the king of the ball
i wish i was just a little more special
i wish that i could fly
but maybe it’s because i was so unestablished
or maybe because i get high
you could have shown this screwed up boy…
fading, fading you’re almost fading from my mind
waiting, waiting for something as amazing
maybe someone more patient
you were everything, i mean everything
i thought i needed
you could have shown this screwed up boy…
SORRY FOR WHAT I’VE DONE
you took a trip and fell on your a$$
you represented the dirt on my behalf
and with mud and blood on the side of your chin
you just looked up asked me to justify what i did
no explanation for you
but rearrange what i knew
and finally i figured out the chain of command on the ground
i took a shot that this reign had to end
i even tried resurrecting one of your friends
and though from that moment on it was clear what i knew
i hated me so what else was a boy to do
but attempt to hate you
like i rose above the planet
then i thought about it right away it made me say
forgive me, i’m so sorry for what i’ve done
now i kneel and plead i’m so sorry for what i’ve done
yeah, believe you, me, i’m so sorry for what i’ve done
can i make you see i’m so sorry for what i’ve done
i have diseases all in my head
that make me think that my sins of the past effected>
the choice paths that followed in the drudge of my youth
now the only one bleeding is you, yeah, i remember the truth
and i never sought for proof
just a little confirmation
yeah i thought about it right away it made me say
forgive me…
it gets older now gets clearer becomes clearer
and i witness it from my windowsill
and all around the world
we pretend to be made of courage
but these elements we fear
so we walk out of our doors swinging
and pass it on along the years
forgive me…
UGLY
we make us look like a monster and more so
we make ourselves the bad guy every time
you want to be the victim but then i
guess you knew what you were thinking all along
we have a pride in the way we dream
we look around to catch a piece
i’ve said it before that my fire’s in need
but i think failure got the best of me
so catch it soon don’t let the moon show you up now
about face don’t let the best of you fall now
the way to hold our inner soul is through this and
it’s never gonna start, i pull myself apart
but don’t ever think your smile is ugly
i have so much distraction to reality
i think i magnify it all along
but maybe this is how it is and none will change that
i have to say i’m not a babe not even something
that you would want to settle with but i am listening
the mud they drag me through, how much more could i prove
but don’t ever think your smile is ugly
i got so caught up in the money that i missed it
and even as i am so down i always wished it
you never know which way to go you see it’s bullsh!!
your heart may never poor, your eyes say never more
but don’t ever think your smile is ugly
I HAVE NO RIGHT
12:37 am
i want someone to know how much
i’ve been let down
i want to be able to tell someone
i want to let someone back in
i want to be held by someone you can
help me feel the warmth that’d balance out all the cold
but i have no right to feel anger
i have no right to feel sadness
i have no right to feel disappointment
it’s not strong enough
i have no right to feel lonely
i have no right to feel sick and
i have no right to feel despair
i’m not good enough
i’d like to think that someone cares about my plight
self pity and self loathing are not usually my bag
i’d wish to see the future to tell me what i should do
i’d save a lot of time
no one’s listening they’re all waiting for me to shut up
but i have no right to be fear
i have no right to feel pain
i have no right to feel rage
it’s not strong enough
i have no right to feel dark
i have no right to feel let down
I have no right to feel insecure
i’m not good enough
WHAT I DIDN’T KNOW
the things that you took that were mine
without the money i eventually got back in line
and the cuts that were left on my skin
came and went away i thought then that this was the end
all the times i’ve turned around something else i see
that came along the taste and the sound
could there ever be a way
to erase that part to take the start right out of the way
i knew there would be loneliness
and i knew there would be anger yes
i was prepared for the hard times financially
no matter it was worth it emotionally
what i didn’t know is
you left a monster in me
what i didn’t know is
you stole the lightning in me
men don’t know how to deal with me
they see a pretty face and they get their fill of me
refused to reveal my truth
i look for reasons why they’re waiting to leave the room
there is a way out of this
i wish i’d broken down the wall in time to alleviate this
but the words that were left in my head
with the birds that are singing now are all dead
i knew there would be loneliness…
i don’t like people they don’t like me
i don’t like paying for pain, should be free
i don’t have the patience for towns debris >
on the 4th of july to eternity
what i didn’t know…
THE UPFALL
it’s interesting in this big straight world
when you’re queer as folk and then all these girls
are running you up front ’cause you’re so cute now
and their boyfriends shrug as you tiptoe around
what you like, what you want, what the world won’t hear
so you hide something so deep you live in fear
that the look you give with your eyes will reveal
the disgusting, revolting thoughts that you deal with
with the change in your structure the ache in your stomach
the only craving yet the taste isn’t gone yet
there isn’t a lie in your system it’s pride
but so careful the eggshells you hate on your side
’cause as harsh as hard words may be hitting your ears
you just can’t call it out so he yelled “F#%king queers!”
just to change someone’s mind, it’s the way that you live
that make people see truth and then kindness they give
see it isn’t all bad to be able to observe
but then father confessor takes over your nerves
and it’s comforting that people put comfort in you
but they where do you turn when those arms turn on you
what you like what you want…
you just don’t look the part you just don’t look that gay
you don’t look like you should attend the parade
you don’t have the hair and you don’t have the lips
and you don’t shout the flame you do nothing but whisper
see it’s power inside you that no one else sees
so don’t let that whisper come quietly please
but one day, so they say, I will come face to face
with the body that loves me the feeling of grace
what i’d like, what i want what the world won’t hear…
i still have my arms and my legs and my head
at least i have music, i’m not totally dead
to the world in look nihil and i don’t have the face
my tattoos all a blur to those running in place
that is good that you care for tradition so sure
but that won’t mean that anyone’s playing the “girl”
or the “boy” or the “man” or the “bride” or the “groom”
or the “widow” or “son” or “daddy” to you
BURDEN
i know you want to be forgiven
i know you want to relax
i know you want to see the garden
i know you think they’d pass
i know you wish to find salvation
i know exactly what they said
i know you hate to feel outed
i know you hate to feel separate
i know your hunger for calm
i know you
i know you want that on/off switch
you think you want to scratch that itch
i know exactly what they said
i know you think you’re cursed
i know you think much worse
i know you think it hurts
i know you
i know you’d like to take that cell out
but what else goes, what else is lost
this will never be my burden
i know you want that pill
i know you think you’ll be swept away
i know you want to feel sacred
i know you want to feel secure
i know you want to feel some worth
i know you want to feel that way
i know you want to save the day
i know you want to take some break
i know you i know you
i know the fears that haunt you
i know you and your anxiety but
this will never be my burden
TO PAUL
this is for the brothers who aren’t here
because they put a gun in their mouth
because you told them they were wicked
because you told them they were different
this is for the brothers who aren’t here
because they put a knife in their heart
because you told them they can’t take it
because you told them all to fake it
KILL HIM AND TELL GOD HE DIED
can’t i go please, i cannot stand to hear
you spread disease, is that your truth today
they offered way, to take away the gay
I’ve locked in me
your “straight-acting” eyes
lobotomy lies
until a generation dies cause no one thought to let them by
i gave him the wrong eye so he said
“kill him and tell God that he died,
yeah God will always be on my side”
looks like the gates are open wide
would you believe, they tried to take my life>
with their disease when they thought they had the right
over my crown, all the stars beneath me
your “straight-acting” eyes…
HEY MOM THIS IS WHAT THE WORLD THINKS OF YOUR SON
I’M DODGING BULLETS OF FEAR AS THEY STRIKE WITH THEIR INVISIBLE GUN
HATRED BUT BELIEVE ME MA’AM THAT THEY ARE NOT DONE
SO PURE UNTIL THE HONEY RUNNETH OVER THEIR SON
your “straight-acting” eyes…
and i want you all to hear me
and really listen now to what i have to say
because i hate to think they have me
don’t take fear from my wallflower ways
i may not like the waiting
and there are places that i know i’ll never go
and i may be self-deprecating
but i have love for myself you’ll never know
BOYS LIKE ME
did you think that boys like me would stay perfect forever
did you think i wouldn’t break when you put me back together
i drive in see the skyline and really think i’m home
and it’s the only way i really feel a part of something
i shouldn’t be so straightforward
shouldn’t be so high
shouldn’t be so willing to try to catch you in the eye
i shouldn’t pay everything, save anything
i’ll show you too much
hey and i’m too easy
drives me wild that i can’t touch
don’t you think it’s time to look me in the eye and set me free
wasn’t talking to you i was saying this only to me
i shouldn’t judge, i’m not following the father’s guide
he said it very clear that lasting love is all open wide
i shouldn’t be so straightforward…
i don’t think i have the patience that it takes
to sit here and relax
it’s not getting me anywhere
on another line, i see i have to wait again
and i just missed my chance i think he hesitated there
THE VIEW
you used to say i was beautiful
thought for once the view had changed
i thought you were unstoppable
so your stop seemed very strange
it’s a lot for me to feel, it’s a lot for me to deal
it’s a lot for me to take, it’s enough to make me break
i know i’ll never get you off
so please don’t remind me
and as for the exact date
i can leave all this behind me
that’s a lot for me to know, it’s a lot for me to show
there’s enough for me to give, but not enough for me to live
well
sure enough, there were these flowers from the heartland
east coast to west coast, these strangers sending us their hand
but yours got lost, i never would have known your name
i hope that you find some one who adores you as much as i did
i hope that i find someone who loves me more than you could
that’s a lot for me to ask, it’s a lot for me to want
you can take my place in line, but can i leave it all behind
well
i tell myself that i learn everyday
i crack my shell just a little everyday
that’s a typical artist for you, but have i failed you yet
have i failed myself so many other times before
don’t tell me how it’s gonna be
just tell me how it is
LYRICS for “Dub Escape”
MAKE ROOM
Let go of the waves of damaged seasons that reside in your tide
Let go of the species that came down to earth to take you for a ride
Let go of the empty self you hear when you talk to your reflection
Let go of the grace you try to maintain when you say name to any mention
Make room for the little prince that rocks your world with a subtle hint
Make room for the tiger you played, for the lion that stayed to see you squint
Make room for the luxury when you know you’re me and it’s a fine place to be
Make room for the hero who is running and is on his way to save you
Let go of the chivalry for the things that feed on your weakness ‘cause they can
Let go of the flies on the wall when the soldier in you overcomes your hand
Let go of the simple request of the quiet you blessed and the calm you hungered for
Let go of the position you’re in when you see friends climbing walls around your door
Make room for the karmic halo cosmic force you welcome to your home today
Make room for the crystal loose on the bottom of the sea waiting for your returned embrace
Make room for the cattails connecting all the history that you need to feel
Make room for the bottom line, make room for the ease of mind
GLASS
You trapped me in this glass string
And I thought that it would cut me
When I kicked it broken open
I just helped myself right out
Used to with nightmares were all I was seeing
Until I realized I was already awake
And if it could be redone I’d never fall asleep with you
That was usually after you were done slamming needles in my back
But I don’t mind that
You aren’t gonna stop until we hear your mom say
“I used to have a son with that name”
And according to you I am disgusting
According to you I am pathetic
According to you I am a bar whore
And according to you, you adore me
According to you I was molested
In a time I was receiving real love
And you tell me you have never had a love this long
While you smack me in the face and say “it’s not fair!”
But you aren’t Neely O’hara
And you aren’t Karen Carpenter and
You fucking aren’t Mathew Shephard
But I brought it on myself you see
I just want his world to crumble under his feet
And everything that he touch turn to shit
And it pisses me off to see him
Continue to rape Dallas of its opportunities
While he rides a free magic carpet
To his pathological wanderland
DELIVER ME
In my way constantly taking the blame
Stay the same then try to remember my name
Deliver me from anything that tries to hold us back in change
Deliver me from any time that has us wait another time
Then take my fear away from here and see to it that
I’m just so vain
Vying to capture the rain
Greatness to see every chance that I miss
Deliver me to something new where nobody would dare refuse
Deliver me to say the least of all the hope we find to feast
Beware the hurt, beware the pain, bestow a gift, then bless me away
Side to side, remotely my eyes play this game
Fight to fight, believing this time things would change
Heavenly your eyes start to glow in the sun
Constantly I get in a fit to just run
Deliver me…
They like to look before crossing the border
Then before you get to home they give you your orders
And by the time they finish your tape recorder
The time you had to take to make the moves has grown shorter
Deliver me to one day soon the sun will dance the earth will bloom
Deliver me to something new to have my cake and eat it too
Deliver me, deliver me, deliver me,
Until we’re all gone
The army has sung the last song
It’s wrong, to not take the time to just
Open my eyes and head west from the lies and
Take pride in your style and just go
BRING ME
Following famine, you set it up to follow good
Anything can be anyway you thought it should
But the outside dangers always have me on the run
And so I stay sheltered until I think I’ve had enough
They can bring me to the floor until I bleed
They can bring me to my motherfucking knees
Facts collected and the words drilled to the ground
To attempt to bring me up they bring me down
It’s your decision, whatever you want you can obtain
It’s not religion, the reasons for the obstacle remain
Cross the threshold into a thousand miles away
And then I notice everything they said was true in just one way
They can bring me…
Wherever you are, I’d like to follow something new
Take it and hold it, and add your name unto the few
But it’ll grip me and hold me back in misery
Until I lose my chance to turn it on fully
They can bring me…
GLORIOUS BREAKUP SONG
I’m off to start a new life and you won’t be there
I couldn’t be more ecstatic for leaving you there
Was nothing more destructive than having you near
The future now is brighter, my path is more clear
You can stop lying to me, you can stop taking my things
I don’t even want you lying in my bed when you think I won’t be home
Every time you tell me what you’ve done to yourself
And you cry and you cry and you’re bleeding to death
I can’t help but feel proud and deviant
That all the shit you’re started you’re receiving it
I might jade around a little every time I look back
(Every time I look back I realize how much you cheated me out of life)
But don’t think that you’ve hardened me, your words are too sad
(I think it’s too sad that you have to lie to your diary)
It’s time to say the truth in words I’ve wanted to say
(I don’t think you’re smart, I don’t think you’re good, I don’t think you as an artist)
I’m off to start a new life and you won’t be there
Well, I don’t care how much sleep you get
I don’t care about the bed that you choose
All that matters is releasing you from your favorite halfway home
You can use anybody you want until they die, until they fight
Until they actually see
You aren’t ever gonna change from your Copa ways
I support your departure now in every day
I’m off to start a new life and you won’t be there…
THE INSECURITIES
Every time you leave the room I melt
And every time we kick back I’m closer to home
All I have to do is look you in the eyes
And I’m numb, and some of me unties
I don’t think you’ll understand exactly how far I’ve fallen
And my nerves continuously stop me from telling you
Well I didn’t plan, I wasn’t looking, was just in it for the fun
But this weak heart of mine insists I venture on
Well I tell myself, “what If he makes you hurt
It’s always been a gamble just to give your heart away”
And I tell myself “what if he breaks your heart”
Well if it happens, it happens, move on
The insecurities could be wrong
Every time you kiss my neck I melt
I still haven’t finished wiping myself off the ground
But I need to gain control and just compose myself
Before I scare you, and you change your mind about me
For the first time in my life there is no catch
I don’t have to sacrifice everything I’ve set
For the first time in my life I’m treated right
Just be yourself and I think we’ll get along just fine
Well I tell myself…
Every time you kiss my neck I melt
And you can run your fingers through my hair
You’ll just have to deal that I am not too fond of me
I know you think I’m beautiful, but do you want me?
BURNT
my heart’s burnt
My stomach is torn in two
My mouth has never been more dry questioning why I didn’t do
Greater tragedies have struck extended miles
But the only thing left might have met with denial
I think about bullets and arrows and swords
I think of all the sewage and damage before
I think of the destruction in yesterday’s news
All so I don’t have to sit here thinking about you
You didn’t have to take it
My heart’s burnt
I don’t know how it got through the cold
My legs are weak, and so I begin to grow old
All these flavors that you have to tend to such a rich life
I never could take my time, I never saw the light
I think of the death of the child in the woods
I think of things that shouldn’t happen but any day they could
I think of mushroom-clouded skies as I zoom in for a view
All so I don’t have to sit here thinking about you
You didn’t have to take it
I could have shown you my talented ways
The one that walks on that thin line of morbid and sane
I could have gotten kicks surprising you into this throne
But I will have to leave these fantasies alone
I think about people who don’t think with their heart
I think about catastrophes splitting families apart
I think of all the unjust decisions we flew
All so I don’t have to sit here thinking about you…
LUDICROUS
Knee deep in the shit you wanna dig
Keeping everything that you find you want to save
And all the while you’re turning heads when you find the stones
To keep the scholars on their feet and make them think it’s wrong
The mythological, the sacred, and the weak
All locked into the lazy eyes of the good, better, best
This is what we get there’s always something eating us alive
It all depends on how much we’re willing to feed
Let’s keep away the ambulance
Let’s drive away belligerence
Let’s fly away the severance
And just bottle it all up in remembrance
I’ll keep the holiness
Before another rolling fit
Because everyone is intimate
Because everyone is ludicrous
And everyone will see
Yes in the eyes there’s a marker in the way
Historical and I would like to run or walk
To see what all the fuss is for and why it’s turning me away
But it all depends on how excruciating and
Hating the pain will be in my feet that day
It’s in the knees and
Overlooking all the precious little counterfeits
To think the shit the motherfuckers are all basted with
Now you know the realm their baptism has to cleanse
Let keep away the ambulance…
Knee deep in the shit inside your head
And if you buy now your soul’s already dead
Coming in coming in coming down from the bowls that said it best
Who never question or cover or take a rest
CARD
This Christmas I am going to be
Someone who is not afraid of chance
It doesn’t make sense, this wasted time
It’s always just a fantasy
I’m not afraid of love
I was afraid of the opposite
Life is all about risking your name
So better not be the last to get it in their minds
So excited for the same, because it is free to go
Bother with someone else
I’m breaking outta my shell
With a hint of luck I might even succeed
I don’t believe in expecting the best, I only try to hope for the best
And in my little head I’ll prepare for the worst
Either way I won’t forget about it
I want you to know that this is your fault because
You walked by and just gave me that look
So I put it all in my open book and
I’d like to give you this card
The anticipation, the waiting, the walk down the hall
Through the door and corridor and on the floor my pride falls
The concentration, whispered saying, the losing my way
The explosion and the notion I’ve abandoned my grace
Try to play it all behind me but you tell me your name
The sudden surprise of all the hours but,
At least I gave you this card
So glad I sparked it and you like it
I’m so pleased with my work
Still the frustration and the waiting, I’m so insecure
I don’t hear a noise and turn and see that I am in back
And so ashamed and yet I say it true,
I’m glad I gave you this card
So glad I gave you this card
I’m glad I gave you this card
It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad
It doesn’t matter if I win or lose
It doesn’t matter if I take it home it’s still inside of me
I don’t care about the right or wrong
I just stepped inside a uniform that I never thought would fit
And it is still inside of me
WHO YOU WISH YOU WERE
I saw myself, who I am now, ten years ago, looking down on me
He said, “I don’t know how I got here, but I do not wish to see you
I do not want to see the person I was ten year ago”
I said myself, what have I done
What will I do to make you look so down on me
I do not need you to do that, I get it from everybody else
At least I can say to you I didn’t know who you wish you were
“But in a year or two” he said, “You’ll find a track to run on
And you will take a glimpse of joy, remember it for what it was”
He tried to change me
You can’t change what you did
He touched my head, but I could not respond
It crashed and hurt, I never meant to cause you hurt
Tell me what you know, who you wish you were
Who you wish you were
But advice would not be true
And the truth would not suffice
And I never want to be the one you look back in shame to
I am only a boy, I do not know yet what I want
You are further than I am
He looked, and stood, and held his head
He didn’t even say it, I could just feel from the beginning
How much he loathed me
“I wish I could forgive you,” he said and
I suggested maybe that would be the best for both of us
Maybe then you could go on and be happy
He couldn’t hold it in
“Why are you so ugly and
Why are you so girly and
Why aren’t you thinking for yourself for once?
Why are you so shameful and
Why are you so nameless and
Why did I have to let myself go through this?”
Don’t come back until you forgive me
DUB ESCAPE
When I came to the conclusion that I brought it on myself
I would’ve thought it’d change a thing or two and yet I miss the wealth
Oh what a victorious battle but I’ve yet to end the war and now
Nothing much changes this is not my fantasy perfect world
This could go on forever
Just depends on however
Long I drag all my nevers
Until I end this fall
There’s nothing like the sound of my atomic bombs, a gruesome sight
And reality or what I see as so it tends to cause me grief
Now I think that let go time has dodged too much
It’s so ridiculous I never should have cried at ten
This could go on forever….
I wish I didn’t crave the desert then I wouldn’t be so dry
I wish my skin was not so course then none of this would have to die
But it calls something out to me, not up to start a war
Just stand in place and take up space to let the pattern begin again
This could go on forever…
I wish that you would love me but I’m not the perfect doll you want
There’s so much I’d offer you but your turnaround it leaves me weak
Ever since the modern day we know what it is we want
With every finger I cut off, you’d think it’s time for this to end
This could go on forever…
As I love my faith in the human race,
I’m gonna be fine
DEMONS
I know it’s been a while since I’ve talked to you
I haven’t seen you in over a year
But it’s the same with or without me
You just repeat these problems over again
And since you lost your baby
Your path up seems to elevate downward
You could be so much more
We could all be so much more
But I wish you would flush your demons out
There are better ways to let yourself die right out
It’s tough to keep your dignity
And it’s a bitch to salvage pride
But how do you figure you’ll find it in bed
And how do you get it back while giving head
Your poor body paid its dues
The drug in your life is not big news
It’s not as fun until it gets abused
I’m not gonna tell you what to do
But I wish you would flush your demons out…
lyrics by Patrick Boothe, ©2003 Abusing Music
all songs written by patrick boothe